he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
