On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
