I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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