Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize