What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
