Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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