every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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