My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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