Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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