True but thats because hes a fetus.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
