I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize