If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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