Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
her facebook's as public as her vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
