Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
