Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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