Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
