I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
