so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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