yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
