you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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