she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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