Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
