now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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