what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
