I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
