this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
