Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
