I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
