I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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