I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
