Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
