It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
