i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
