You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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