what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
