respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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