Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
