Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
