i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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