too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
