i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize