i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
