just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
