Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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