Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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