My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
