i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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