so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
