I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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