if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
