I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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