So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize