the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
