He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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