it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
