if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
