Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
