1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
