YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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