While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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