So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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