I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
