New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
