So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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