sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
