thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
