I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
