her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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