You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize