is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
