This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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