Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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