Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
