Whod you bang
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am spending my child support on dildos
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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