I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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