If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
