i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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