They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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