i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
