Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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