I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
