Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
