new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
