Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
either way he was missing a nipple.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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