who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
