trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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