The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
