I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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