Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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