so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
