I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
