Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
