I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this just has baby written all over it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize