tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
