Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
