More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he puts the penis in happiness.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
