Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
