I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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