My friends, they love my intelligence
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
