Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Congratulations! We have a period
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
