i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
