Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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