I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
