Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
