saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
